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| Christmas day was really nice. We slept in and had no rushing about to open presents or get ready to do some traveling. We called family and wished them a Merry Christmas, and then napped most of the afternoon. We attempted to go see Avatar with some friends because we didn't make it on the 24th, but again, the Fates forbade us. It was sold out. The cinema was packed. Does everyone go to see a movie on Christmas day now? So we had a couple of friends over and we played some games. It was a good day.
My father-in-law came to visit on the 26th. It was the first time he's been to the house since we moved in. He fell asleep on the couch. I went in to the bedroom and napped. Yup, that was the visit.
I tried to find some good post-Christmas sales Saturday and yesterday, but there weren't many out there. We looked at a bunch of recliners, but we haven't bought one yet. We also let our curiosity take a hold of us and browsed some cribs. Geez, those things are dang expensive. We didn't even pay that much for our own bed! Yet they were really nice. They have cribs these days that go from crib to toddler bed to daybed to full sized bed. (Does not include mattresses which are also expensive.) It's actually a good investment if you want to have that one frame for several years for your child. We're still hoping to get lucky and nab a crib from Freecycle. Yet if this is the one big thing we have to buy, at least we know exactly what we want now.
Good news! The insurance company covered 75% of the specialist's ultra sound. A big relief for us.
We're going to have a little New Year's Eve get-together with friends at our house. We'll eat good food, play games, and be goofy. Hopefully we'll have the new recliner by then since we lack in seating. I'll have to take down the tree before that, too, because it takes up a lot of space in the living room.
I had a dream last night that I was at a university. I don't know if I was a student or not, but I lived around there. I was with some people I grew up with and some people I didn't know. We were in a pool hall. Lots of women were playing pool. Suddenly, the university was attacked by supernatural forces! I grabbed a stick and broke it over my knee. The longer piece was my spear and the shorter piece was my stake in case any monsters got in close. Another friend of mine broke several cues to make a dozen spears. He had one guy carry them while he threw them. We fought through a few vampires and crowds of terrified students to get to this main dome. There were flocks of phoenixes flying around in the dome. They weren't attacking people, but hot ash and embers came off their bodies to light things on fire. People were also breathing in these ashes and burning their throat and lungs. We ran through the dome area to a lecture hall where we went to save another group of our friends. There were a couple more vampires. We dusted them. We then ran down the halls. I had to go downstairs for some reason, but there was a huge spider in the stairwell and I didn't know if I should trust the elevator. Down the other hall, a couple of square ghosts were scaring people. Yes, they were square. I have no idea why! I knew they couldn't really do any harm other than scare people, so I stood waiting while four other friends dared to go down in the elevator. One of my injured friends had an iPhone, and it started to ring. I saw on the screen it was Keith. I snatched it up and pressed several buttons until I found the right one to answer it. It was a collect call and I accepted. Keith started off in a panicked voice saying he just wanted someone to know what happened to him before he disappeared. I told him in a rushed voice that it was me and asked him where he was. He was in the bottom floor of the Scott Thompson building. (What university was this?!) I told him to stay put and that I was coming for him. He said it was too late. I yelled at him not to think that way and ordered him to get into a safe spot to wait for me. Keith wanted everyone to know that this had happened five years before and he was a witness. He had a breakdown five years ago, and this time, it was worse. His mind had been broken and some people were going to lock him up in an institution forever. I was crying at that point, begging him not to go with those people. I could help him. We'd find some way together. Yet Keith was convinced he was insane and had to go with them.
I woke up from the dream before the alarm. When the alarm finally went off this morning, the first thing I said to Keith was: "Don't go insane."
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| Happy holidays to everyone! 
I'm looking forward to it this year. Today we're going out to see Avatar with friends and then having pizza tonight. Tomorrow, Keith and I will have a quiet Christmas day all to ourselves. We bought a little ham and all the good food for our own feast. I have the stuff to make Christmas cookies and a cake. (Not that we need any more sweets with everything my mother sent!) I don't feel any stress with having to travel and see family. It's fantastic.
I finished off a short story yesterday and sent it in. So I've been productive between my naps!
Keith finally felt the baby move. To him, it felt like a muscle twitching in my belly. It's a much stronger sensation for me!
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| We knew that having a baby would be expensive. All the major baby stuff that parents need these days are like small major investments in themselves. This is why I'm so very thankful for Freecycle. There are some wonderfully kind and generous people out there. Check out the site and find the Freecycle site in your area. I've had fantastic experiences with people on Freecycle. I haven't taken any stuff from them until today, but we've given away a lot of stuff. People are always very grateful. And they come to your place to remove large pieces of furniture when they want it!
We picked up an infant car seat this evening from a wonderful grandmother. Her grandson out-grew it. It's in excellent condition. And, it's free. Usually these seats run near $200. Grandma D saved us a lot of money. This is the happy feeling I like to have going around at this time of year, and all year round.
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| The clinic that I go to has a system to spread out the work amongst the doctors there. Over the course of my pregnancy, I will see all five doctors. When I go into labor, the doctor on call at the hospital will do the delivery. I can see the advantage for them. This way, they're not on call all the time. Though, I wish I could pick which doctor I have do the delivery.
I've met four of the five doctors so far.
Dr. T. I've not had her do a check-up, but she did all three of my ultra sounds here in town. My first experience with her wasn't that great. I think it had to do more with the fact that I was shocked that the ultra sound was internal rather than her manner. I still think someone should have gave me some forewarning! Dr. T was more pleasant the second time around, and then I felt at ease with her the third time when Keith was there with us. She was more candid and has always been professional.
Dr. Ck. I've had him do two of my check-ups so far, and if I can help it, he won't be doing any more. He's the youngest doctor there, and very much lacking in a good bedside manner. He was awkward and it made me feel uncomfortable. Plus, he didn't finish his warning of giving me a certain check down below before he inserted his finger. I was unpleasantly shocked by it. I have a friend who had a baby earlier this year and she was a patient of the clinic, too. She also very much disliked Dr. Ck for the same reasons. (Please feel free to insert whatever two letters you want between that C and k. There's only two letters that go there.)
Dr. Wd. She did a quick check-up with me, and so far, she's my favorite. She is a small woman and came flowing into the examination room in a long bright green dress with a holly pattern on it. She was like a Christmas tree ornament come to life! She was all smiles and chatted on the whole time she was there. I got in maybe five words. I didn't have any questions or concerns, so that was alright. She had a motherly presence and a sense of humor. I felt most comfortable with her. If I could choose any of the doctors so far to deliver the baby, it would be Dr. Wd.
Dr. S. I had him do my monthly check-up yesterday. He was polite and professional, but too proper. I couldn't imagine him delivering a baby. He didn't seem like the type to like to get dirty. He lectured me on my blood pressure. I have listened to the same thing from several other nurses and doctors already. I guess since I didn't have any questions, he thought he had to tell me something. I prefer him over Dr. Ck, but I hope he isn't the one on call when I go into labor.
The only doctor I haven't met yet is Dr. Wt. She's a young doctor, too, and nearly six feet tall! I haven't heard anything about her, so I don't know what to expect.
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| I've been feeling irrational this week since I've been letting more and more people know that I'm pregnant. I mentioned it in my other blog which gets posted up on Facebook. It was a brief mention at the end of the entry. If people saw it, they saw it. I'm not going to stand up and shout out the news to everyone. I'm not like that. I don't like the attention.
I especially don't like the sort of attention being pregnant draws to me. In fact, it has been making me angry. I know it's a ridiculous reaction and people are just excited for me, but I can't help it. So, yes, some people did notice the mention of it on my blog, and my mother has been telling people, too. She's really excited. I gave her permission to tell people. There's no reason I should be angry with her, with anyone.
I take in a deep breath and calmly accept the congratulations. Just as long as they're congratulations. Nothing more.
But then people get giddy. They get excited and silly. I don't like that sort of energy directed towards me. I especially don't like it when they start telling me what I need to do, what's coming for me, how much I'll love it, etc. I think the thing that pushed me over the edge was when a few people started calling me mommy. Oh no. Just don't even go there, people. No one in this world is going to call me mommy other than my child. I don't want to be treated differently because I'm pregnant. I don't want to be treated differently when I'm a parent. Yet it's already started. People who have known me for over twenty years, or for my whole life, are treating me as if no other part of me now exists other than the mommy part. Did I suddenly lose my whole identity by getting pregnant? Am I no longer allowed to be any other person than the 2-D paper mommy now? Hey, maybe my anger isn't irrational. Just typing that out makes me realize they're being ridiculous, not me.
It is one of the things that I always feared in choosing to become a parent. Yes, I know the child will be my first priority in life and things will have to revolve around him. I will change. I will be a mother. BUT I haven't lost the me that always was. She's still there. I'm not going to ignore her. I don't like it when other people act as if that person no longer exists.
I'm also not going to put on a fake happy face for the world and pretend everything is wonderful. Being a parent is hard work. The rewards are great, but it's still hard work. Neither Keith nor I are going into it blind with wide eyed hope that it will be all sunshine, rainbows and lollipops. Being pregnant is not wonderful either. I'm not glowing or walking around all smiles. I ache and I'm drained. I can't get comfortable. Physically, I have bad days and I have neutral days. I've not had any good days. I don't see why I have to pretend. It's not my job to make other people excited or to give pregnancy a glowing recommendation to other women.
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